I realized that most of my blogs are about my children. I post mostly pictures because I think they are so adorable, but don't most parents. Lately, I've realized that they have consumed me, my thoughts and my actions the past few years. I know that much of my time and energy is spent on them, not to mention my money. I treasure them, see a little of me and a lot of Chad in both of them and know that they are true blessings from God. I'm so very grateful for them and thankful God has given me the opportunity to grow as a woman and mother. I know that it's Gods will that my family be my priority.
However, in doing so I've let so many things fall by the waste side. I feel in my efforts to be a good mom(which I constantly feel that I'm failing), I've stopped being a good friend. I've become so consumed with my own family and the craziness that brings I've cut myself off from people who are very dear to me. I think much of this is natural when you are new to parenthood and I don't necessarily think it's wrong. But for me I've let parenthood be an excuse to stop hanging out with people I really care about. A way to get out of doing something that might require me to socialize with grown-up or get dressed up and act like a big girl. I've let it stop me from inviting people over because our house is so crowded and never clean enough. I've let the chaos of the morning and tiredness at night distract me from spending time in the word.
I've shared with a small group of women from my church my frustrations I'm having in my personal relationship with God and in my personal friendships with other women. I'm beginning to recognize the consequences of only living for me. I feel alone and seperated from those I care about so deeply. More importantly I know I'm neglecting my relationship with God.
I hear God calling me back to a deeper relationship with him, but also calling me out of hiding to share in those relationships I once treasured. My family brings me much joy, but there is no greater joy than that of the Lord. I can say that so easily, but to believe and live it is so hard for me.
During this season of Thanksgiving I will give thanks to the Lord who has blessed me with this life and an eternal life after this one. I will give thanks for those that have loved me during this incredibily selfish time in my life. I will give thanks for my husband who even when he doesn't understand comforts me in his own way. I will give thanks for those friends who've I've lost touch with in hopes of restoring a relationship that has not been forgotten. I will give thanks for my children and thanks for the time we do spend together, but also give thanks for the time I'm able to spend apart from them.
Thanks for reading...mostly likely if your reading this, you've been on my heart!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
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5 comments:
Your honesty strikes a chord - probably in most women! Sometimes it's so hard to try to balance it all. The weekly routine gets so ingrained that adding new balls to the juggling act seems impossible!
That being said, we miss you guys. The kids still ask me when Alyssa can come over! I know the holidays are always crazy but I do get a break from school. Let's figure out a time we can do dinner or at least board game night or something. The kids can play, I can show you my messy house and we can catch up!
I have struggled so much in the last year too. The move back to the Northwest was the hardest move I have made. I knew we were coming closer to my parents, which I am extremely Thankful for, but we were leaving our security of freinds and an amazing church home. God has worked so much in my life in the last 6 months, I am learning to rely on him on a daily basis, and to give Him control of everything (that is very hard for a control freak like myself!) I have begun to cherish the 1 evening a week that I get to spend by myself, doing what ever I want away from my kids!
You will be in my prayers! We do need to find the time to get together and catch up!
Love you guys!
Tessa
Wow. Thank you for your transparency. I think you wrote the thoughts of most moms out there.
PLEASE purchase this book NOW - Living Simply by Joanne Heim. I am doing a bookstudy with some women right now and we just read the chapter Simple Friendships. It would speak to you with what you are feeling.
I appreciate that you are the type of friend that can pick up right where we left off, without guilt. If we all could communicate as often as we thought about each other, but it's making a simple effort to reach out and say hi or I'm thinking of you. It comes from both sides though, so don't beat yourself up.
You are doing a good job, mama!
Emily, I think as mom's we all tend to do this or at least I do. I try to do so many things for my kids and family etc. that the things that make me happy tend to fall to the side, like being with friends. Know that you are not alone and anytime you need a girl's night out or just some time to hang with another family you and your family are welcome here.
I miss you too!
Em.. You are a wonderful mom, awesome friend, great sunday school teacher, hard working wife, amazing scrapbooker, martha Jr., supportive daughter, GSA rock star, Zumba and work out diva, and the bestest big sister a girl could ask for. Not to mention Nash loves his Emmi too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and know so many of us momma's feel the same way, and treasure you just for who you are. Miss you! Kim
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